(For a daughter)

And the mountains remember us,

Where we walked, drenched by sun or rain,

And the woodland has kept the imprint of our souls

As we wondered through the land.

And how the sun has smiled on us,

By sea and sand, by rock and stone.

High near clouds where the wind lives,

And low where all is drowned by the song of eternal waves.

So how hopeful we can be for all this beauty was ours.

And all this time that flowed lovingly through our hands.

For we have been blessed by a hundred days,

By a thousand days we spent together.

And so I will remember the child I carried up a mountain,

And so I will remember the rain-sodden clasping hand,

And so I will remember words and songs and games,

So much we have done, so many dreams we’ve had.

And as time moves on and our worlds transform,

I will remember that nothing can change all the good that has been,

For the truth of memories can never fade,

As Love and Hope and Faith will always remain.

So what good a collection of old things?

Coins rusting in damp places,

Or memories eaten away by time, by age.

What good yesterday for it is gone.

And what good these amazing dreams?

These well made plans, lofty destinations,

Wild ambition and the tastelessness of success.

For now is where I am

And you are gone.

These rooms do not hold your sounds,

Nor this bed your warmth.

The nights do not find you by my side,

And in the days I cannot see you.

Even the anger in your voice is lost

And the wildness of your heart

And above all………

The touch of your hand in mine

For that I could not collect,

Could not keep except in my mind.

And in the night, no longer silence,

But the gentle tide of your breath

Washing over me, carrying me to peace,

Far from life’s storms and aching loss.

And gracefully you move, time out of time

A touch?

And a memory of love is flooding back

And I am lifted up in safe hands

To high rocks

A secure refuge in the night.

Oh why are you so beautiful?

Princess of mystery, Angel of light.

This song that played in my heart

Long before you even walked,

So subtly, so gentle and graceful

so caring across my darkened dreams.

And so…..

Even if these moments can no longer be real,

I have remembered you forever,

Walked far on high peaks by your side.

And we have sailed on the great winds that sing,

Glorious and wild, to the high peaks eternal.

In the dusting of snow brushed from the roof,

In the leafless swaying of these winter trees,

In the strange silence of such empty roads,

I hear the whisper of your song, touch your breath.

Did I send you away?

Have I asked you to be gone?

See how I wait, look far along the road,

Imagine you in a hundred faces,

Wishing you into shapes that cannot be you,

Thinking that perhaps you approach.

Why are you gone?

For love is not a second, not a casual trick.

Hope is not a candle to be blown out.

Living should not be an accidental thing,

But a walking and a carrying on.

For our songs still remain and our words are warm

And the way awaits us and does not seek one alone,

But a couple who know how to laugh

Lovers who heard creation sing

And children of God who might journey on until the end.

For these a long night full of grief and anguish.

A vigil around a dying man’s bed.

A vigil waiting for news, so fearful.

All waiting as those together in an upper room.

But for us no healing wind, nor fire of love,

Just the pall of silence as lights go out,

Dreams fade into a life that was,

And these illusions of permanence are broken again.

So we stand by the Dark River,

Not wanting to accept, less still pay for this crossing,

Oh there is anger now, for it should not be this way,

For how can we be without him,

This man that was so much of who we are, of what we mean.

But in this loneliness, we should not feel so alone,

If only we can, despite desperation, open our hearts,

Or our eyes. Open our minds, just for a second,

Then we see the army of others around us,

Grieving, weeping for so much that is lost,

Hoping for consolation, wondering who understands.

Perhaps a mother then, who saw an innocent son nailed to a cross,

Who bore the pain of this ridiculing, gross humiliation,

Who felt the shame of countless others.

Who tasted despair, even whilst trusting in God.

And so let our broken hands reach out from grief to grief,

From our lonely rock of despair to this archipelago of bereavement.

That we might find solidarity and love with these comrades in arms.

That we might live again despite the death we have known.

 

And I have remembered you here,

Thought of the places you would love,

This vegan cafe this vegan food.

But I see that invitations are not always welcome

And dreams will often not come true

But I am better for knowing you

And better for knowing you

Better for all you have given

Though sad for what was taken back.

So I am singing of you by the sea

Though you so far away again.

But I remember your love

And I treasure your name.

And your anger need not destroy me

Nor your distance pull me apart

For I choose to accept who I am

And love you for all you are

Even if I wait endless here

By these seas of sorrow,

That keep us apart

To believe still in this dark time

To remember and to trust

Even as our blood runs cold

And our hearts beat stumbling.

To know that there is more than this

To understand the truth of your beauty

To accept the love in your heart

Even in the words of despair and rejection

To see the sun rising in this night

And live a truth that is profound and elusive.

And know that this act is our way to eternity

And that our faith can move mountains

Long the ice cold way, race my heart,

Hard the road and short the winter day.

Here alone to carry on beyond my pain,

Here with all that’s done to find a home.

Oh see the light will fail for night is soon

And feel the call of hopelessness and gloom

But still I hold steady on the path

Find strength to believe in hope and hearth

And you come with me held in my heart

And memory brings me back your love and light

And body dances to the rhythms of your song

Through mountain stone and desert storm.

Yes you are a memory to lead me on

Or even yet….

My companion for this road?

The one who takes this way with me,

Where none have come, where I’m alone.

Oh Desert Queen! Oh Mountain Heart be free

Come walk the ice cold mountain way with me.

So I would not end this conversation with you,

Rather walk long roads to hear more of your words,

To try to better understand who you are

To try to better understand who we are.

On good days see how beautifully we danced,

Played a word song that flowed in rhythmic harmony,

As bodies can and wild hearts too.

Though on bad days how cruelly we jarred against the other,

But there is always another way too, always another way through,

But you returned to your prison where I’d still visit if I could

But bitterness and anger bar the door

And a ‘Christian welcome’ is a sign to keep me out.

But still there are words to speak and love to express,

And soon green leaves will come back again

And soon the weather will change

And soon I will look to walk and walk with you…..

To talk and talk with you, but you may not be there

And so the sunshine will seem cold to me and this blue sky grey

And your absence will be a ghost by my side

And your memory the sweetest dream I cannot hold on to,

For though your anger crushed my heart

And your silences pulled me down

I have always believed in your beauty

Remembered the gentle glow of your caring

And heard the sweet whisper of your loving heart.

And we who have waited in doorways,

Or slept under the naked sky, afraid.

Water bottle slowly freezing,

dogs barking,

Camp fire, our fire fading out.

Broken by a lack of acknowledgement

With the distance between words too far,

And the time between smiles too long.

We who walked  across these desert mountains

And dripped tears, like blood, long into the night,

Aren’t we reborn in this moment

When the other comes to share the poverty of our bread,

And the desperation of the cup we drink.

For somehow this seems like a promise

And a resurrection

For a light comes into the stony tomb

And we recall a holy feast,

A Sunday lunch,

A Passover celebration

When the Son of Man

Broke His heart, His body for us

And for a suffering world.

So all I ask sweet companion,

In this simple act you know

You are like an angel of God.