Not at a half empty table looking out

Wondering if a stanger will come fearing that they could.

Not in a silent world surrounded by noise,

Trying to remember touch and the texture of love.

But on a busy table full of love and hope,

With you my companion and friend,

With you my muse and sweet song,

Who is love and friendship to me.

Not distant wondering where you are

Or fearful thinking you have gone.

Not left uncertain  what I have or could have done,

To love you more to keep your heart.

Not a stranger lost in a burning desert

Or a lonely soul stumbling in blizzard storms.

But close in the warmth of your gaze,

And healed by the touch of your arms.

Not afraid anymore

Fearing that love lost means the end of love.

But seeing that we can be love

Find love and make love

In this short time, in these quickly passing lives,

That are ours.

And sometimes I am sad

Seeing how we cannot always understand

Ourselves or each other

And struggle to find the place we are together

Or let our barriers down enough to meet

And it is hard and uncertain

But you are worth all of this

And I wait for you now

And I reach out my hand

Believing then in your worth and precious beauty

And hoping that you could find love enough in me

And a reason to carry on this road that is ours and leads us on.

Forgive me then for all that I bring which troubles your heart

And see that I would love you still despite all this

And be a friend through light and dark

And all of this…..

Through all of this

A moment that is ours,

Safe…..

A gentle time out of time,

Where we do not find fear

Nor suffer from shame

But at last accept who we are

And know love and become love

Not just for ourselves but each other,

Not for no reason but for beauty

And for truth

And in these actions somehow graceful,

Always caring and respectful

We can find that we have truly made love

In a world so estranged and scared

That is blessed then that we reached out

Not just to each other

But to that world

That calls for love

And cries out for heart warmth

And this melody and heart beat of life.

Unreal place, somewhere that is nowhere,

Something that is nothing,

Like a look or turning around

That then becomes everything

Sucks in all emotion

Takes on all meaning

And creates the very thing it fears:

Loss and estrangement.

This is the vertigo that brings us,

most surely,

To throw ourselves over the edge,

Such sweet relief.

After all there is nothing to fear now for we are falling.

And so in this…

If there is no love, then there is no love to lose,

And no relationship then no betrayal,

Except that of not being present at a film,

Walking out to take a call from another man,

Arranging another thing at the expense of the thing you are doing,

Choosing intentionally to steal time,

To raise doubts to leave guessing..

And then making a focus of the inadvertent, accidental……

Or misinterpreted……

So that all that was good,

Hours of focus and meaning,

Time of effort and caring,

Is boiled to nothing in passionate heat,

That leaves only the salty dust of dried out tears

On these pillows where your beauty should rest

And your love should be.

And our love could be

And our love would be

If you would choose to let it be.

Because I thought you didn’t care

Because you thought I looked away

Because a life I had was lost

Because no one helped us understand.

Because I was left crying alone

Because you weren’t told the truth,

Because my voice was not heard

Because your voice was taken away.

Because he never really came back

Because you couldn’t make him stay

Because I didn’t know how to be a man

Because you were afraid this isn’t enough.

Because we know all things must end

And because nothing on earth is quite enough.

But because of this cross

And because of this love

I will choose to go on

Because with hope it is too soon to give up.

And we do have a voice

And here is a choice

To live or wait hopeless to the end.

Saw you again so beautiful,

These brown eyes slender frame,

This moment when you know peace

Wait and don’t run away.

Speak but do not shout just touch.

Reach beyond the borders of desolation

Reach out beyond your darkness and loss

Reach into the heart of me

My deep pools of sorrow my tired pain.

And we are not alone any more

Nor so bereft, nor so lost

For to each other we can be candles of hope,

Wells of relief and songs of love.

Don’t you see how we walk the same desert,

Stumble upon the same harsh mountain,

Fear the same shadows and darkness,

Phantoms of loss and desperation

Memories of love fading, time gone.

But with you there is joy to live

Wild ways to walk a mountain to climb

And this life to live not hidden

Not of fear but of love

And of joy.

A moment of spring even if autumn is coming

Even if we have seen the end and felt it beginning

Even if all is vain and nothing lasts

There is something beyond dreams

Like this love I would live with you.

Sitting on shelves as if waiting

As if wanting to be claimed

To be taken

Or consumed

But this won’t end well

But life never does

Just an inevitable end

Down by the river

Black river of blood

Black day for us

But certainty at last

For the ferryman waits

And clarity becomes all there is

And death…..

So we understand the allure

Coming from such confusion

Where uncertainty is everything

And only pain a given

And only anger the medium

Through which all is conveyed

Through which all is lost

Because the truth was raped

Too long ago……

I wonder if you have a home,

Because I do

I wonder if you know where you are,

Because I am.

And this song is my home

And this call my heart

And this day who I am.

Sad because I would hold you

Sad because I can’t touch you

Sad because this song is for you

and you are gone.

But I walk the lonely mountains

And I cross the eternal desert

And I sail the silent sea

And this is my heart

And here is my song:

The howl of the East wind

The whisper of a Southern breeze

The beauty of you that I saw:

In the flickering promise of candles

In the hope of a gentle spring morning

In the sound of your heart that called to mine

For these a long night full of grief and anguish,

A vigil around a dying man’s bed.

A vigil waiting for news, so fearful.

All waiting as these together in an upper room.

But for us no cleansing wind or fire of love.

But the pall of silence as lights go out

And dreams fade into a life that was

And illusions of our permanence are broken again.

How we stand by the Dark River.

Not wanting to accept, less still to pay for this crossing.

Oh there is anger now, for it should not be this way,

For how can we be without this person?

Or this life that is so much of who we are of what we mean.

Silence…….

These long corridors, this empty room.

And sorrow is grey and cold.

And dust settles where no one lives,

And silence.

Before there was singing

Or the laughter of children

Mischievous escapades on a bike

And marvellous stories.

Before there was kissing

And love making

Passion and pain, love and hope.

Now silence, now darkness.

Now the desolation of the empty park

The barren womb,

The broken heart.

But what can be said?

Except………

“Where did you go?”