You see I asked you to come with me but you would not come,
But cried saying I didn’t really love you.
So I waited came early to meet you, write my words waiting,
Almost danced by your side as we walked and walked.
And in a way you came with me on those paths of ours,
But you always pulled away always pretended I didn’t care that much but I could not have come earlier to see you or waited longer,
I could not have sent more flowers or tried harder,
And I did not want to let go just asked that you would keep to some common way together or be clear about what you wanted or not.
But your moods changed with the wind and a burning passion turned hope into scorched earth.
Even now you will not see that I chose you but in your arms I was like a child’s toy held too close or abandoned on the stone cold floor.
And you could not see that my heart needed some kind of home some shelter in this fragile world of ours that crumbles with the passing of time that brings empires and kings to their knees and turns even the majesty of mountains into rubble and dust.
You could not see that I needed a home a place to be,
A moment safe from the storm
Where the pain of all that is lost was softened by your touch and where a smile might let some light burn on in a heart that grows cold from a winter long and such loss of touch.
And I cried on the beach for you did not come back for on a black wind she sails away.
On that dark day my love you sailed away.

Sometimes I thought if I waited long enough

Then you would understand I loved you

But you could not understand

And sometimes I thought if I walked far enough

Then you would know I wanted you

But you did not know.

And now the wall where I waited forgets me

And the roads no longer expect our passing

And strangers no longer wonder who we are

Nor hope to see us on our way.

But I wish someone had waited so many times for me

Or walked these so many miles

But you said you would not come that far or wait so long,

But said I loved you less

And you said you would not change your ways

But knew you loved me more

And I could not change you heart

For love is shared not made

But still I wonder did I do enough

Or ask if I walked far enough

When already you have said you gave too much

And that you know I never really cared.

Let us meet each day one to another,

Here in our park on our road

On this way: so magically coloured by rich memories

Blessed by the pilgrimage  of our feet

And the warm songs of our words and stories.

Let us meet each day in a home

at a table in our bed.

Choosing to be present to the other

Choosing to come this long way

Tired from these losses in life

But blessed by Hope that dispels darkness,

And recalls the love of our God

And knows the Truth of the cross

And brings healing through faithfulness

And brings love into the world by the promise of forgiveness

And  through this reaching out of our broken hearts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And time cannot destroy these memories

For they are our truth

A life painted brightly on uncertain days

A quiet time together in the too warm sun.

And these holy meals, this broken bread.

And the moments when you can accept that this is Love.

And see through so many storms undaunted light.

A star safe in the clear summer sky

A memory safe for it won’t be undone.

And sometimes I think this will be enough knowing all this love.

But I will always want more,

Always come hungry for another day

Because I do not want a love hidden

Or locked away…..safe

But rather a growing love that journeys to the end

Of our too short life and this breath of time

That I take into me with all my strength

Like your perfect body into my hopeful arms

Like your sorrowful song into my broken heart

After all this long time,

Hard frozen earth, unbreakable ground,

After all these short dark days,

And long tear-filled nights.

After all this fear and doubt,

Misunderstanding and misconception.

Where faith seemed like folly

And hope a child’s naivety;

From death new life bursts out

And the blindness of our ignorance,

The folly of our pride,

Is illuminated by these rays of light

And this glory of heaven,

That is beauty on this sad earth.

And it is a vision and a truth.

The miracle and promise of a spring flower,

The revelation of an empty tomb.

The joy of an old man who sees,

Who lasts, another winter through.

And too it is the clarity in my heart

That sees your beauty and the hope you are:

This golden and royal procession

This sea of gold crossing the desert

This Yemeni Princess that comes from the East.

A promise of new days and of love.

The beauty of a gentle and kind heart

Which is the true treasure for our lives

And recalls for us on earth

The song of heaven and the hope of eternal life.

Not at a half empty table looking out

Wondering if a stanger will come fearing that they could.

Not in a silent world surrounded by noise,

Trying to remember touch and the texture of love.

But on a busy table full of love and hope,

With you my companion and friend,

With you my muse and sweet song,

Who is love and friendship to me.

Not distant wondering where you are

Or fearful thinking you have gone.

Not left uncertain  what I have or could have done,

To love you more to keep your heart.

Not a stranger lost in a burning desert

Or a lonely soul stumbling in blizzard storms.

But close in the warmth of your gaze,

And healed by the touch of your arms.

Not afraid anymore

Fearing that love lost means the end of love.

But seeing that we can be love

Find love and make love

In this short time, in these quickly passing lives,

That are ours.

And sometimes I am sad

Seeing how we cannot always understand

Ourselves or each other

And struggle to find the place we are together

Or let our barriers down enough to meet

And it is hard and uncertain

But you are worth all of this

And I wait for you now

And I reach out my hand

Believing then in your worth and precious beauty

And hoping that you could find love enough in me

And a reason to carry on this road that is ours and leads us on.

Forgive me then for all that I bring which troubles your heart

And see that I would love you still despite all this

And be a friend through light and dark

And all of this…..

Through all of this

A moment that is ours,

Safe…..

A gentle time out of time,

Where we do not find fear

Nor suffer from shame

But at last accept who we are

And know love and become love

Not just for ourselves but each other,

Not for no reason but for beauty

And for truth

And in these actions somehow graceful,

Always caring and respectful

We can find that we have truly made love

In a world so estranged and scared

That is blessed then that we reached out

Not just to each other

But to that world

That calls for love

And cries out for heart warmth

And this melody and heart beat of life.

Unreal place, somewhere that is nowhere,

Something that is nothing,

Like a look or turning around

That then becomes everything

Sucks in all emotion

Takes on all meaning

And creates the very thing it fears:

Loss and estrangement.

This is the vertigo that brings us,

most surely,

To throw ourselves over the edge,

Such sweet relief.

After all there is nothing to fear now for we are falling.

And so in this…

If there is no love, then there is no love to lose,

And no relationship then no betrayal,

Except that of not being present at a film,

Walking out to take a call from another man,

Arranging another thing at the expense of the thing you are doing,

Choosing intentionally to steal time,

To raise doubts to leave guessing..

And then making a focus of the inadvertent, accidental……

Or misinterpreted……

So that all that was good,

Hours of focus and meaning,

Time of effort and caring,

Is boiled to nothing in passionate heat,

That leaves only the salty dust of dried out tears

On these pillows where your beauty should rest

And your love should be.

And our love could be

And our love would be

If you would choose to let it be.

Because I thought you didn’t care

Because you thought I looked away

Because a life I had was lost

Because no one helped us understand.

Because I was left crying alone

Because you weren’t told the truth,

Because my voice was not heard

Because your voice was taken away.

Because he never really came back

Because you couldn’t make him stay

Because I didn’t know how to be a man

Because you were afraid this isn’t enough.

Because we know all things must end

And because nothing on earth is quite enough.

But because of this cross

And because of this love

I will choose to go on

Because with hope it is too soon to give up.

And we do have a voice

And here is a choice

To live or wait hopeless to the end.