And in the night, no longer silence,

But the gentle tide of your breath

Washing over me, carrying me to peace,

Far from life’s storms and aching loss.

And gracefully you move, time out of time

A touch?

And a memory of love is flooding back

And I am lifted up in safe hands

To high rocks

A secure refuge in the night.

Oh why are you so beautiful?

Princess of mystery, Angel of light.

This song that played in my heart

Long before you even walked,

So subtly, so gentle and graceful

so caring across my darkened dreams.

And so…..

Even if these moments can no longer be real,

I have remembered you forever,

Walked far on high peaks by your side.

And we have sailed on the great winds that sing,

Glorious and wild, to the high peaks eternal.

In the dusting of snow brushed from the roof,

In the leafless swaying of these winter trees,

In the strange silence of such empty roads,

I hear the whisper of your song, touch your breath.

Did I send you away?

Have I asked you to be gone?

See how I wait, look far along the road,

Imagine you in a hundred faces,

Wishing you into shapes that cannot be you,

Thinking that perhaps you approach.

Why are you gone?

For love is not a second, not a casual trick.

Hope is not a candle to be blown out.

Living should not be an accidental thing,

But a walking and a carrying on.

For our songs still remain and our words are warm

And the way awaits us and does not seek one alone,

But a couple who know how to laugh

Lovers who heard creation sing

And children of God who might journey on until the end.

For these a long night full of grief and anguish.

A vigil around a dying man’s bed.

A vigil waiting for news, so fearful.

All waiting as those together in an upper room.

But for us no healing wind, nor fire of love,

Just the pall of silence as lights go out,

Dreams fade into a life that was,

And these illusions of permanence are broken again.

So we stand by the Dark River,

Not wanting to accept, less still pay for this crossing,

Oh there is anger now, for it should not be this way,

For how can we be without him,

This man that was so much of who we are, of what we mean.

But in this loneliness, we should not feel so alone,

If only we can, despite desperation, open our hearts,

Or our eyes. Open our minds, just for a second,

Then we see the army of others around us,

Grieving, weeping for so much that is lost,

Hoping for consolation, wondering who understands.

Perhaps a mother then, who saw an innocent son nailed to a cross,

Who bore the pain of this ridiculing, gross humiliation,

Who felt the shame of countless others.

Who tasted despair, even whilst trusting in God.

And so let our broken hands reach out from grief to grief,

From our lonely rock of despair to this archipelago of bereavement.

That we might find solidarity and love with these comrades in arms.

That we might live again despite the death we have known.

 

And I have remembered you here,

Thought of the places you would love,

This vegan cafe this vegan food.

But I see that invitations are not always welcome

And dreams will often not come true

But I am better for knowing you

And better for knowing you

Better for all you have given

Though sad for what was taken back.

So I am singing of you by the sea

Though you so far away again.

But I remember your love

And I treasure your name.

And your anger need not destroy me

Nor your distance pull me apart

For I choose to accept who I am

And love you for all you are

Even if I wait endless here

By these seas of sorrow,

That keep us apart

To believe still in this dark time

To remember and to trust

Even as our blood runs cold

And our hearts beat stumbling.

To know that there is more than this

To understand the truth of your beauty

To accept the love in your heart

Even in the words of despair and rejection

To see the sun rising in this night

And live a truth that is profound and elusive.

And know that this act is our way to eternity

And that our faith can move mountains

Long the ice cold way, race my heart,

Hard the road and short the winter day.

Here alone to carry on beyond my pain,

Here with all that’s done to find a home.

Oh see the light will fail for night is soon

And feel the call of hopelessness and gloom

But still I hold steady on the path

Find strength to believe in hope and hearth

And you come with me held in my heart

And memory brings me back your love and light

And body dances to the rhythms of your song

Through mountain stone and desert storm.

Yes you are a memory to lead me on

Or even yet….

My companion for this road?

The one who takes this way with me,

Where none have come, where I’m alone.

Oh Desert Queen! Oh Mountain Heart be free

Come walk the ice cold mountain way with me.

So I would not end this conversation with you,

Rather walk long roads to hear more of your words,

To try to better understand who you are

To try to better understand who we are.

On good days see how beautifully we danced,

Played a word song that flowed in rhythmic harmony,

As bodies can and wild hearts too.

Though on bad days how cruelly we jarred against the other,

But there is always another way too, always another way through,

But you returned to your prison where I’d still visit if I could

But bitterness and anger bar the door

And a ‘Christian welcome’ is a sign to keep me out.

But still there are words to speak and love to express,

And soon green leaves will come back again

And soon the weather will change

And soon I will look to walk and walk with you…..

To talk and talk with you, but you may not be there

And so the sunshine will seem cold to me and this blue sky grey

And your absence will be a ghost by my side

And your memory the sweetest dream I cannot hold on to,

For though your anger crushed my heart

And your silences pulled me down

I have always believed in your beauty

Remembered the gentle glow of your caring

And heard the sweet whisper of your loving heart.

And we who have waited in doorways,

Or slept under the naked sky, afraid.

Water bottle slowly freezing,

dogs barking,

Camp fire, our fire fading out.

Broken by a lack of acknowledgement

With the distance between words too far,

And the time between smiles too long.

We who walked  across these desert mountains

And dripped tears, like blood, long into the night,

Aren’t we reborn in this moment

When the other comes to share the poverty of our bread,

And the desperation of the cup we drink.

For somehow this seems like a promise

And a resurrection

For a light comes into the stony tomb

And we recall a holy feast,

A Sunday lunch,

A Passover celebration

When the Son of Man

Broke His heart, His body for us

And for a suffering world.

So all I ask sweet companion,

In this simple act you know

You are like an angel of God.

And I will give thanks for this day

For this time

For this moment

When I saw you

When I found you again

Facing me, looking into me

Remembering who I am

Remembering who you are.

You…..

Blessed child of the desert.,

Elegant Princess of Yemeni,

Daughter of sorrow and loss,

Friend to broken spirits,

Queen of long gone distant lands.

See how I have been impudent

Daring to stare deep into your heart

Daring to return in shame and disgrace

Daring to believe that love could endure

Our sorrow and loss

Our desperation and pain

These broken hearts

That desert storm

The lonely mountain pass

This time you were gone.

Because I see:

You are beautiful,

You are marvellous

You are a desert oasis

A candle in our desperate night

A lighthouse on these storm tides

Because Truth is in you

Because God has made you

Because you have known love

And understand what love means.

And who can say what will become of us,

Or of love….

See how friendship twists and turns,

Two boats moving on a wide river,

Two strangers on the road.

One day I walked out not knowing you would be there.

Not expecting your smile, not looking for your touch

And see how the current brought us close.

Drifting side by side I almost feel your heart beating.

But will storms pull these boats apart,

Or vicious waves send us far away again?

As we always were before I met you on the road,

On the river at the turn of a tide.

Forgive me then if I find you beautiful,

Hear the gentle tones of your voice like a promising song.

Like the sweet call of birds on a woodland way.

Like hope in the night.

Forgive me then that I would wait this while longer to be by your side,

Here hoping again for your touch

Or to see you approaching on the morning tides,

On these lonely roads that you make brighter

On these ways you illuminate through your beauty and song.